Most dogs are waking up, stretching and beginning their day. Not me though. I'm not a chicken so why should I get up at the same time they do? Besides, I need my beauty sleep. Come back in a couple of hours.
Sorry, still snoozing. Come back a little later. When I'm forced to get up at this time, I become sulky and annoying throughout the whole day. It's best to let me sleep. Trust me, it is!
Alright, alright! I'm getting up. Sheeeeeeesh! Can't a guy get a little shuteye without people coming and going every five minutes? Anyway, it's obvious I'm not going to get anymore sleep as the washing machine is going, the birds are singing and the sun's in my eyes. Oh well, up I get but not because I want to. A quick trip outside to let nature have it's way and soon afterwards I go looking for my food.
First loud "Woof" of the day which translates to "Where's my food?" It's followed by more annoyed and louder woofs, which translate, to "Are you listening to me? Yes, you with the slippers and the towel on your head! Where's my grub? And don't forget my morning treat! Come on! Get a move on! My food, remember? Man, you guys take a long time to get going in the morning...." Soon afterwards, I get my food and proceed to eat. Oh wait a second. She forgot the clean water. Woof! Woof! Woof! Ah, much better. I absolutely refuse to drink dirty water no matter how thirsty I am. If it isn't clean then it isn't fit for man or beast.
Burrrrp! Yes, I burp! I also... well, we'll leave that for later. A little farther down the digestive track, let's say. Anyway, I believe the best way to show the human's just how much I enjoyed my morning dosage of Science Diet Tuna dn Rice is to burp loudly in the middle of the kitchen. After I finish my meal, I do a little reconnaissance trip under the kitchen table to see if a little scrap has fell, but alas, normally no luck.
Second trip outside. A good stretch and a quick smell here and there to ensure everything is still as I left it last night. Normally it is unless the neighbour's cat came through looking for a litter basket. I then move over to the gate and have a peak outside. This morning, everything looks fine but one can never be too sure so I usually follow up with a few woofs to scare anything off.
Fun time! By now, all my senses have cleared up and the next step is to progress to the mischievous phase. Today, it'll be tear through Mom's flower garden. I have no real reason to do this other than to wait for the reaction, which should arrive sometime later this morning, or just after lunch. Yes, a little poop in amongst the magnolias followed by a scrounging of dirt and flowers should annoy her for most of the day. This will teach her for not having my food bowl full and ready for me when I get up.
There we go. The magnolias look like a mini tornado hit them. Don't worry, she'll have them all replanted and ready for a reenact by tomorrow. I love flowers.
Snooze time. Go away.
Still snoozing. Keep going.
I'm usually awakened by the smell of food. Not my food mind you, but human food. Time to go and lie underneath the kitchen table and see what tasty morsels don't quite make it into their mouths.
A disappointing day. Nothing of magnitude dropped down today except a French fry that didn't make it into dad's mouth before slipping off his fork. I caught it even before it hit the floor, but mom, in her best paramedic impersonation, jumped out of her chair and jammed two fingers down my throat even before I had time to close my mouth! That fry was mine! It's that type of injustice that I find so disturbing in today's society. That lack of disrespect for the "Finder's Keeper's" rule.
MacGregoooooooooooooooooooooooor! Ah, she found the magnolias! Hehehehehehee. Play time! First I wander over to within 25 feet of her looking innocent and surprised. I don't dare get within less than 25 feet as she may abruptly turn and I may not have time to run away. "What's the meaning of this?" Meaning of what? "Don't you look at me innocently!" Sorry, that's my natural look. "Come here MacGregor!" Oh for sure! An ice cube stands a better chance of survival in hell than I would if I went there. "MacGregor, why do you do this? Why? Why? Why?" 'Cause I'm a Westie! Why do you think? "Tell me the truth! Why do you do these kinds of things, MacGregor?" The truth? You can't handle the truth!!! "Just wait until I get my hands on you...." Ok, I'm outta here.
She usually makes an attempt to catch me but quickly gives up as she realizes, to her dismay, that I'm too quick.
She's really upset today because of the magnolia incident. Oh, well, such is life. She chose me, not the other way around. Deep down inside, she loves it, she just doesn't know it. But anyway, I think I'll hang out here in the shade under the front porch for a bit longer. No use tempting fate, besides I could use another nap after all that excitement.
Time to make a move to the living room to watch the after school specials on TV. Darn! The TV's off, but the couch is empty so I'll lay claim and continue my afternoon nap.
Wah? Wah? Who's there? Oh, it's only Dad sitting down on the couch beside me. Now here's a guy who never gets upset with me and is always good for a pat or two. Nice guy, but it's really difficult to upset him. Mind you, it can be done and it has been done. I think I'll eyeball him for a bit. See if he gets the message. He didn't, so the next step is a little growl followed by a louder growl. "MacGregor! What's the matter with you?" What's the matter with me? Where's he been all afternoon? Sheeeeeeeesh! Wish we could've filmed the magnolia's scene this earlier on for him to catch up on the facts.
Oh, oh! I forgot about the 16:00 food curfew! Darn! You see, Mom removes my food at 16:00 because she thinks I don't need to eat past that time. She thinks it makes me sleep better. Like I really need the extra help. Anyway, all that running has gotten me hungry but I'm sure I've missed the afternoon chomp. Upset like she's been all day? She wouldn't miss this opportunity to get back at me. Ho! Ho! Ho! To my surprise, it's still there. Yum, yum! I eat everything. Then as I turn around, there she is! She's been waiting for me! Paws don't fail me now! Too late, she's caught me by the tail. First I try aggression! Growling and showing my teeth. Didn't work! I quickly pretend to shift into play mode and act like it's all been a big game! I roll to the left, then I roll to the right, I lick her hand, I roll again to the left. Is that a smile? Yes I think it is. Ok, all's cool. It's safe now. Man that was close! I'm sure tomorrow's episode of the magnolia chronicles will be even more exciting that today's.
Back to the couch. Sleep time. Go away.
Time to go outside and bark at the neighbours arriving home from work. Woof! Woof! Woof! Ah they all love me. After all, who can resist a Westie's charm?
Still outside. Nice night to bark tonight.
Late dinner with the family. I again take up position under the table determined not to let the lunchtime fry fiasco get to me. This time, if anything falls I'm just going to swallow it. Forget the chewing. Takes too much time and gives them time to act.
Nothing! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Nothing at all! Oh well, there's always tomorrow's lunch.
The family's retired to the living room for some piece and quiet before going to bed. Good time to play. Off I go to my basket and choose a stuffed toy. It's playtime with the family! I've slept so much all day that I can safely say I'm full of energy. If Mom hadn't removed my food at 16:20, well, I could probably go right up until midnight, but without food I can only handle about an hour or so before I tire myself out and have to head off to bed.
Oh joy oh bliss!!! An hour of playing, tugging, growling, jumping, rolling and barking. I love the late night playing. Tonight I had to go and get two more toys to keep the excitement going as long as possible. You see, sometimes Dad and Mom get tired of one toy so I head off to my basket and choose another one. For some reason, they find this positively adorable and so begin to play with me again! Sometimes I do this 3 or 4 times!
Oooops, I fell asleep watching television. Now I'm being pushed off to my basket. I growl like mad as I hate being woken up. Mom has to prod me along as I refuse to walk. "Come on, MacGregor! It's not that bad!" Yeah, right! He wasn't the one sleeping.
Last but not least, I go outside for my evening's nature call. I do one last turn of the yard to ensure all's well and the cat's aren't planning an surprise attack. Not tonight, all's well in the MacGregor household.
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